Hard Life

I've been gone for a long time ...
for almost a year i guess...
this year has been too hard for me ...
i've been through a lot of things ...
heartaches and pain physically,mentally, and emotionally

I got pregnant .
we were so happy
expecting a new member of a family ...
but at the 4th month of my pregnancy
we found out that our precious little princess
has a birth defect and has no chance of living ...
but then i had to carry her for full term ...

now she's an angel ...
she went home to heaven and now
shes with our Mighty Creator...

I cant cope with the pain and heartaches..
but they say i should be grateful because now
i have my personal angel in heaven ...

i'm still in pain right now ...
and there are times when i feel like i cant take it anymore ...
but i have to be strong for my Eldest ...
for my husband ..
for my family...

Sometimes i want to give up ...
but i have no choice but to endure all this pain ...

Sometimes i feel like
i don't know my self anymore ...
i use to be a positive person ...
despite all of the hardship in life ..
financial problems..
health problems..
i can look at life's positive side ...
but now all i feel is pain ...
and negativity ....
sometimes i feel like i cant make it ...

I admit my Faith is shaken ..
i ask God why ?
but i know God has a reason why He allow this to happen to me ...

Right now i'm in the process of healing ...
i know soon i'll be ok ...